


your face looks funny

by vaindumbass



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (is there any other sort of pick-up lines?), Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack Treated Seriously, Getting Together, Hogwarts Hospital Wing, M/M, Minor Injuries, Werewolf Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28287768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/pseuds/vaindumbass
Summary: Well, Sirius decides, time to get a date. But, how do you do it? Hm. Didn’t James today have something? He said it would definitely work.And then, unfortunately for everyone involved, Sirius’ brain manages to recover bits and pieces of what, exactly, James had said.-or: Remus has always disliked his soulwords, and what they meant, but as soon as Sirius opens his mouth Remus realizes that they might have always meant something different than he thought.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 74
Collections: The Wolfstar Secret Snowflake Exchange 2020





	your face looks funny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cjmasim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmasim/gifts).



> this was written for cjmasim, it was meant to be just angst with a happy ending, but turned into a bit of a crackfic sfsjkh I hope you still like it, though!

Remus Lupin had, like most kids, always been enchanted by the idea of soulmates. Someone who was hand-picked by the universe to always love and care for you? It sounded amazing, and for most people it was.

After he got attacked by Fenrir Greyback, his little five-year-old hands clung even tighter to that idea. Making friends had been hard, with being in the hospital and all, and when he finally got out, the Healers had told him enough to know that he was a dangerous creature who should stay away from humans. 

(“Those poor parents”, they said. “And he was such a nice boy”, they said. Remus wondered whether he wasn’t nice anymore, and tried his hardest to say please and thank you every time the nurses came by. When nothing in their whispers changed, Remus realized it wasn’t the matter of him not being  _ nice _ , it was the matter of him not being  _ a boy _ , not anymore.)

When he was eleven, he got his words. He cried himself to sleep. He’d known, of course, that soulmates didn’t always work out; he had heard the whispers in the corners of the playground; he had seen the way his parents looked at each other. It simply hadn’t seemed like something that could happen to him, until the words: ‘ **hey, your face looks funny** ’ had appeared.

Remus wasn’t stupid, alright? He knew his face wasn’t for everyone, as proven by his lack of friends, and that one time he made a baby cry, but he’d always thought- always  _ hoped _ that his soulmate wouldn’t care about that.

But if even the person who would love him the most of all the people in the world thought he was disgusting, then what chance did he have at friends, or even people who simply didn’t hate him? So when Dumbledore asked him if he’d like to get to Hogwarts, he said no. 

After the next full moon there was a scratch over the inner side of his left arm, exactly where his soul words were. Remus didn’t think it was a coincidence.

And Remus had  _ known _ that soulmates weren’t always perfect for each other, he had read the books, he had heard the rumours, he had seen the way his parents looked at each other, so maybe he  _ was _ stupid, after all, for thinking someone could love something as broken as him.

Pain wasn’t new to Remus, though, after so many transformations, and he slowly got better at gritting his teeth and bearing it, at hiding his feelings and smiling when people asked how he was. When his mom, with eyes so tired that they peeked through her usual happy mask, asked him if he’d try staying at Hogwarts, just for a while, he said yes.

He didn’t mention how, when his mom saw him off, she said ‘goodbye’ an awful lot for something which was supposed to be temporary.

* * *

Sirius was almost glad to be in the Hospital Wing. Sure, being hexed sucked, but at least it was a short respite from James’ constant blabbering about Evans. They weren’t even soulmates, but James was convinced that they would have a love story ‘for the ages!’. Lily didn’t seem to agree.

This time, James had been trying out some truly  _ awful _ pick up lines, and he’d also tried them at five in the morning, so the mild hex that got sent their way was very much deserved.

Of course Sirius had still jumped in front of it, because that’s how he and James  _ worked _ , but Sirius didn’t blame Lily. She couldn’t have known that, apparently, Sirius was allergic to tickling spells, or that he’d need to be sent to the Hospital Wing immediately, laughing uncontrollably.

Pomfrey had given him something like Calming Draught, though, and while his thoughts were a bit slower than usual, his body was too, and that was, compared to earlier, definitely a good thing. 

He stared up at the ceiling for a while, not quite sure whether he was dreaming or just about to fall asleep, a heavy tiredness pressing on him along with the white blankets, until he heard a few sounds. 

It seemed to come from his left, and with a slow effort he turned his head in that direction, and he realised, with a sudden clarity, that he  _ had _ to be dreaming. 

Boys like that didn’t exist in real life, did they? They usually don’t have such intriguing features, do they? They never have eyes that, even tired and with bags beneath them, are the most beautiful thing Sirius has ever seen, have they? And surely- surely none of them make Sirius’ heart skip a beat, even though it has been slowed down by potions? 

And then the boy steps fully into the light and Sirius  _ knows _ it’s not a dream, because the boy is hurt, and he knows, with every fiber of his being, that nothing in him would ever want to see the boy hurt, not even his subconscious.

_ Well _ , Sirius decides,  _ time to get a date _ .  _ But, how do you do it? Hm. Didn’t James today have something? He said it would definitely work.  _

And then, unfortunately for everyone involved, Sirius’ brain manages to recover bits and pieces of what, exactly, James had said.

* * *

The boy in the other bed was staring at him, and really, normally Remus wouldn’t mind having such a gorgeous gaze fixed on him, but there was a certain lack of… blinking, and it was creeping Remus out ever so slightly.

“Hey,” said the boy, and Remus couldn’t stop the small jolt of shock that went through him, sue him. He’d just gone through a full moon, and been brought into a room with a beautiful boy, and then the boy had been  _ staring _ at him, so Remus felt as if he had the right to be just a little shocked.

The boy seemed to ignore Remus’ internal monologue, and just smiled at Remus in a way that would’ve been flirty and attractive, if there hadn’t been a jawn halfway through. That didn’t deter the boy. “Your face looks funny.” 

And wow- Remus had not expected Beautiful Creepy Boy Who Should Go To Sleep to be his soulmate, but he  _ also _ hadn’t expected that Beautiful Creepy Boy Who Should Go To Sleep would lift an eyebrow, and then say: “Funnily  _ handsome! _ ” 

An immensely self-satisfied smirk formed on the boy’s lips, and he still looks incredibly proud of himself while his eyes fall shut immediately afterwards, and while soft snores fill the room, Remus is left in absolute bafflement. 

(A few hours later, when it’s a decent time to get up, Sirius hears his own soulwords (they are  **WHAT THE FUCK** , if you must know) and he hears that the boy is named Remus, and that, yes, he would be free this Hogsmeade weekend)


End file.
